Woke up this morning in such peace. I usually do, but just as I was thanking God for all this peace, a picture popped so vividly to my mind. It was of me a few years ago when I definitely did not have peace. This mental snapshot was of me on a morning walk in our upscale, more laid back neighborhood in the middle of a very busy, busy community. I was in torment as I walked that morning. Nothing I did during that time, even walking somewhere beautiful gave me escape from the overwhelming torment and fear. It was constant – 24 hours a day.
There was a very emotionally ripping divorce after 25 years; being a single mom of two remaining kids at home, separated from a third one living with another family; the added responsibility of the care of 2 more extended family members, one health challenged, the other mentally challenged; plus encumbered with the debt of a recently purchased big, beautiful fixer-up home on 1/3 acre. All enormous in themselves.
Even though, individually, each had real blessings attached to them, I couldn’t enjoy anything because anxiety and fear ate at my insides night and day. I eventually did lose the home.
The next number of years were hard. There were breakthroughs, but I never dealt with the anxiety and fear. I eventually lost my home, my cars, my business. At one point I was provided a place by a woman but her emotional and mental state was worse than mine. Her torment kept invading my space. In that place, though, out of desperation and by the Grace and Mercy of God I violently seized unto something deep within me. I put the Word of God before my eyes, into my ears, and coming our my mouth like I hadn’t done for years. There was a point where I remember I stood up in that dank room and put a stake in the ground with my faith, this ringing in my ears and heart , “If it’s gonna be, it’s up to me”.
This was a statement that a minister, Jerry Savelle, was preaching at that time. I coupled it with another thought I’d been hearing. “To do something the same over and over again and expect different results is a form of insanity.”
The heartbeat of this whole transformation from torment to peace was believing that GOD REALLY LOVED ME!
I’m saying, “Thank You. Thank You. Thank You that I’m free from torment and fear; that I never have to fear again; that I can live in constant peace. You’ve provided it all through Your life and blood. I’m free because I believe the love You have for me! I’m diving deeper into that love than I ever have before by Your Grace and Mercy. I WILL to forgive and love more deeply than ever before. I’m so grateful for You and to You. Thank You for Your Great Mercies. In Jesus name.”
1 JOHN 4:17-19 God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first. MSG