Severe depression has taken residence in me a number of times in my life … even after Jesus so mercifully and miraculously snatched me from habitual self-destruction. I had every reason to be ecstatic, or at least really happy. I knew it. I acknowledged it, but it didn’t keep the depression from coming.
Shortly after this divine rescue was the birth of our second baby. The pregnancy had been one miraculous event after another … God moving me out of a dump of a place to live to a little house on a farm meeting financial need after financial need plus bunches of other good stuff. The delivery was the most awesome celebration of life … I mean there was joy everywhere in that little country hospital.
Not long after, though, postpartum depression set in. I loved my baby. I loved my family. I was so thankful for everything God was doing, but it didn’t keep the suicidal thoughts from engulfing me from hair to toenails. It was an ocean and I was drowning.
I had found out during my short walk with the Lord that I had a right to joy. I had a right to peace of mind. I had a right to be healed and whole. I had a right to love and be loved. I had a right to win. I had a right to be FREE!
I’d found out that Jesus was now a born-again man in the Godhead; one who’d never sinned but became sin for me; one who’d taken my place of punishment in hell; one who’d taken ownership of my sin and satisfied the claims of justice against me; one then raised to this position and authority in heaven for me … so He could enforce all He’d secured for me. This Great Substitution … He did it all just for me … and anyone who believes and takes it.
The taking it was the challenge. It was a fight. It wasn’t easy. But there was in me Someone Greater than me, and once I started fighting my faith/believing fight to take it, He engaged with me.
Baby coddled like a sack of potatoes on one arm, the other arm lifted to heaven, I’d pace the floors saying over and over and over, hour after hour, again and again just the words, “praise the Lord”. I’d find a Psalm in my Bible where David was just making good words to the Lord and put them in my mouth, saying or singing them over and over. Same words over and over. Just getting my mouth to open and then push out words was the major portion of my battle.
I’d get just enough peace so I could go on with my day being a mom. Next day would start the battle all over again … the forcing my mouth to open to just say “praise” again. But as time passed, I began to have breakthroughs that would last more than a day, then a week, then into a month.
This experience set the stage for other wins over depression. Each time more solid and more long-lasting. Now I’m free.
I’m saying, “Thank You Jesus for being … for living, for dying, for winning over darkness so through You I can forever be free. Help me to love, to forgive, to help others as You’ve done for me … so Mercifully. All in Jesus name.”
There doesn’t need to be an identifiable reason for depression. Yes, there are conditions that exist where depression can try to make a home in me … changes in my body chemistry, loss of someone or something, no way out of a circumstance. Other times depression just comes.
What I found out was that in Christ I’d been given supernatural ways to overcome. It was a fight. It wasn’t easy, but the more consistent and engaged I became, the quicker and more powerfully I’d blast past the depression into peace … and joy. I gotta a whole lot of joy now … it’s a good thing!
1 TIMOTHY 6:12 Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. NKJ
PSALMS 8:2 “Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength, because of Your enemies, that You may silence the enemy and the avenger.” When Jesus quoted this verse (Matthew 21:16), He substituted the word praise for the word strength. So it’s … You have ordained praise because of Your enemies … to silence them. NKJ